Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard (Especially If You’re Used to Being Strong)

I roamed the busy streets of Toronto, my mind in a fog. It finally dawns me that I was in a crisis and I needed help.

To think that just a few days ago, my private practice finally became full with clients. I was riding high.

Three days later, I am displaced by tiny little buggers – fleas.

It only took 2 days from seeing the first flea, to being totally infested and being eaten alive. And the property manager…well, she basically peaced out on me.

Which culminated into tonight…desperately calling people, hoping one of my friends could take me in.

It’s Common To Not Know We Need Support

For some of us, we lived our whole lives having to manage everything on our own.

For some people, this pattern develops because they learned early in life that their emotions, needs, or struggles were something they had to manage alone. When emotional support, validation, or guidance were missing during childhood, independence can become less of a choice and more of a survival strategy.

This is one reason emotional neglect can be difficult to recognize. It does not always look like obvious harm. Sometimes it looks like becoming “low maintenance,” learning not to need much from others, and believing you should be able to handle everything yourself. I explore this more in my guide, Signs You Grew Up With Emotional Neglect (Even If Nothing Traumatic Happened).

Or it might be because we were taught that asking for help is weak and shameful. Or maybe we have always been the one to have to hold it together for everyone else. Or perhaps we’re told we have to be strong.

Whatever the reason, I think we can agree on one thing – we all need help sometimes. But unfortunately for us, we are so used to fighting through adversity on our own that we don't even realize when we are in crisis.

And for a lot of my clients, they enter therapy only as a last resort, when everything else they tried didn't worked.

And I commend you, your strength, and your resilience. But know that you don't need to be strong all the time. And know that you are allowed to ask for help and not be shamed for it. And know that you deserve to have compassionate people in your life.

So to finish up my story…A friend took me in. They were kind. They were loving. Another friend who wasn't able to host me thanked me for asking for help, because she knew how hard it is. And a few other friends sent me resources and shared their knowledge with me on how to address the issues with the landlord and the property manager.

If I didn't ask, I would have never known that I am surrounded by such incredible people.

Hi, I’m Harry, a psychotherapist in Toronto. I work with 1.5 and second generation Asian Canadians navigating trauma, identity, and the emotional patterns shaped by family and culture.

If you recognized yourself in this article, I created a free guide called The Invisible Pressure to Be the “Good One” to help you understand why you overthink, people please, and feel responsible for everyone else, and why these patterns have been so difficult to change.